Finding Your Voice When Fear Gets in the Way
How fear, self talk, and unprocessed thoughts shape the way we communicate
The Silent Struggle of Expression
Trying to not only understand your thoughts but also fully express them to other people is one of the hardest parts of communication.
In a May 2024 article on Medium, Bisma Islam explains that 90 percent of people have difficulty expressing their feelings. The two main reasons are fear of judgment and complex thoughts they cannot fully understand.
So how do we break through those fears? And why is that so important?
Fear of Judgment Is Deeper Than It Seems
The fear of judgment is more common than many people realize. Islam references research suggesting this fear is rooted in human evolution.
Dr. Hannah Rose, writing in Neslabs, explains that fear of judgment “makes sense as it relates to the need to survive in society.” In early human societies, being evaluated favorably rather than judged for shortcomings could increase one’s chances of survival.
This fear affects everyone differently. Psychology Today contributor Susanna Newsonen describes how judgment is often based on beliefs that are not truly our own:
“Judgment is just a label. It’s a mental story we tell ourselves based on the stories we’ve inherited from our upbringing, societal expectations, airbrushed media images, and the opinions of people who don’t walk in our shoes. It’s rarely objective.”
Quieting the Inner Critic
Breaking through moments of negative self-talk often comes down to two things. One is how we speak to ourselves. The other is how we choose to think about our thoughts.
In August 2024, psychologist Dr. Gloria Lee shared this approach:
“That voice in your head that sounds like your childhood critics? It’s time to talk back. Question its authority and replace it with a kinder, more supportive inner voice.”
Challenging your inner critic creates space for positive self-talk. It reshapes how you see yourself. Dr. Lee continues:
“Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a good friend. You’re human, and that means you’re beautifully imperfect.”
There will always be moments when you feel judged. The next time that happens, take a moment to reflect on why you feel that way. Then accept that you are exactly where you need to be.
Learning to Understand Your Thoughts
Another essential step in self-expression is learning how to understand your thoughts. A 2021 study by Crucial Learning in Utah found that 65 percent of the 1,300 people surveyed would rather stay silent than express themselves. Forty-seven percent said they try to avoid people altogether.
These numbers point to something deeper. Many people stay quiet not because they have nothing to say, but because they do not yet know how to process what they are thinking or feeling.
Understanding your thoughts starts with observing them. Psychologist Jeffrey S. Nevid, in his article How to Read Your Own Mind, writes:
“Take note of any negative thoughts or feelings you may be experiencing at this moment in time.”
This awareness makes it possible to take the next step. Nevid suggests asking yourself questions that help uncover the root of your inner voice:
“What thoughts pop into your mind when you feel this way? What other negative things are you saying to yourself under your breath? Whose voice—or whose words—does this inner voice remind you of?”
These reflections help you reframe the story you are telling yourself and begin to understand what is driving it.
Finding Your Voice Again
It can be difficult to know what to say or how to say it. That uncertainty can leave you feeling stuck, hesitant to speak up or stand out.
But moving forward is possible. When you begin to understand your thoughts and address the fear of judgment, you loosen the grip of anxiety. You allow yourself to express feelings clearly because you understand what they mean.
